Criminal Conversation by Nicolas Freeling

Author:Nicolas Freeling
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Published: 2013-09-21T16:00:00+00:00

Three

I must not lose coherence, and I must avoid all suggestion of the long rambling monologue attempting self-justification. I must put everything in order, for the eye of an ‘orderly policeman’. And I must give you a frame of reference. As I promised, I am going to reproduce fragments of our dialogue, which will help you. Another hold upon your discretion, my poor friend! My memory is trained and retentive, and I took rough notes immediately, each time you left me. If you have notes yourself, compare them with this record, and if there is any discrepancy, it is your notes, my friend, that are dishonest. You will see with surprise that I have reproduced your words accurately. Your words! – I have even caught your speech rhythm and your verbal mannerisms…

We are going to go back now, as a starting point, to the day you first came – what word shall I choose? On the whole, ‘breezing in’ does not convey it badly. Not too aggressive, not too confident, quite nicely mannered, and intelligent enough to be provoking if not alarming. And oh, so very tactful! All your impudence, even the supreme impudence of having yourself announced as a patient, was presented, impudently, as ‘tact’. I enjoyed you at once. You were watchful too – a very patient patient.

I am sitting now as I write in my consulting-room, at my bureau, exactly as I was then. To my left the hall, where patients enter and leave – never seeing one another, for that upsets them. You need see nothing sinister in that; any psychiatrist does likewise. Facing me across the room are the doors to my examination-rooms, where I keep the electrical machinery that intrigues you, and to the famous bathroom.

You walked in with a solid step (although you are fairly light on your feet for a biggish man) which I have learned since to recognise. I could see at a glance that you were no patient. What you were took me longer to grasp, yes, but I knew before you told me.

“Good afternoon. Tell me how I can be of service to you.”

You began at once with one of your crude jokes.

“My nerves are all right, Doctor, but I do need to be sure I’m not imagining things. I’m in search of the same things as most people - truth, knowledge, reassurance.”

“I see. You wish to be reassured, you want knowledge, and you ask for truth. Those things, as you say, are common to most people’s wishes. Have you anything more precise to tell me? You suspect that you imagine things. Do you hear things? See them? Feel them? But we had better start at the beginning.” I took one of my case sheets. “Your name?”

“Van der Valk, Peter.”

“And how old are you?”

“Thirty-eight.”

“And your occupation is?”

“Inspector of police, recherche department.”

I was, of course, far too well under control to make any reaction you might have hoped for.

“Make yourself comfortable. We have plenty of time; all my initial appointments are for an hour.

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